Love Languages! Specifically, the FIVE Love Languages of children.
A few years ago, one of my kids read and then shared with us all an article that led to us reading the book by Gary Chapman about his theory that every person has a specific way they connect to others. As with any human psychology, nothing is new, just re-branded. We all know the dad who was only really happy when he was into a project. Or the cousin who just loved to get stuff – it didn’t matter what – she just lit up when she received a gift.
In this month’s website, we are offering thoughts (mine) and activities (Jayne’s) on this dynamic concept that has swept the world, impacting millions of families.
Gary Chapman, who is well into his 80s, has been with Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina since 1971 where he has responsibilities for teaching and family care. From a lifetime of study and experience, Dr. Chapman developed his concept of how to express and receive love. His first book (one of now many takes on this concept) was published in 1992: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He has books for single adults, a special version for men, one for work-based relationships, and for parents of teens and children.
It is The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret of Loving Children Effectively that has captivated the interest of my children who are raising their children. Chapman and his co-author Ross Campbell, a clinical psychiatrist and, like Chapman, a bestselling author, helps parents understand how to discover their child’s love language and then how to speak that language in dozens of ways.
According to author Gary Chapman, there are five love languages. Our "love language" describes how we receive love from others. They are:
Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your child.
Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your child.
Receiving Gifts - Giving your child gifts that tell them you were thinking about them.
Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your child.
Physical Touch - Being close — sharing hugs, touches — with your child.
Chapman and Campbell stress that children will benefit from all five ways of receiving love. But each child has a primary “language” that speaks strongly to him or her and effectively fills their EMOTIONAL TANK.
A youngster I know was not connecting well with his teacher. She was thoughtful with giving out treats — stickers or candy — to let her students know they had done a good job and she was proud of them. But “Sam” was unresponsive to treats or praise. (Receiving Gifts. Words of Affirmation). When one day the teacher offered the class extra tinker time with her in the maker space, he got right to the task at hand and made every effort to do a good job with it.
Sam’s primary love language is Quality Time!
One of my grands loves to sit on my lap, gives wonderful hugs, holds hands – Physical Touch. Yet his sister, not so much. Yet she will make me my favorite cake. She expresses and receives love through Acts of Service. (We are much alike.)
On myRESOURCESpage, you will find the Chapman/Campbell book. Check it out from your library or get a paperback copy. The most important chapter is Chapter 7: “How to discover your child’s primary love language.” It takes time to discern what is the primary language. And as Dr. Campbell shares in his story of his granddaughter Cami, we need to pay attention to “stages of loving.”
The process is like being an emotion detective – observing how your child responds to you but also how your child expresses love TO you.
Now go to our ACTIVITIES page, and Jayne has a fun, but useful, “Would You Rather…?” set of questions that will intrigue your child — and you! — as you begin to discover the special love languages in your family.
